Trippin' to Germany
Or better known as  'Ausfahrt from the Autobahn' May 1998
Travel Tips and things to know
  • Make sure you don't drink too many of those little bottles of wine on the plane.  
    The stewardesses giggle at you in the morning.
  • Don't expect snacks after the meal on the plane.  The stewardesses hoard them. 
    No matter how loud and boisterous you get from the wine.
  • Make sure you potty your dog before the trip or she'll pee in the crate when the airline employees give her a drink and then you'll be stuck wandering around the crowded Frankfurt airport with a smelly dog.
  • Rent a car bigger than an Audi wagon because extra large dog crates don't fit in them. 
    You'll realize this after you have the rental car parked in the taxi lane.
  • If you forget to rent a big enough car, turn the crate sideways, load the dog from the back door, take apart one crate and let one of the dogs sit in your lap.  
    After all, your luggage had to fit into the crate you took apart.
  • Allow for at least an hour to pack and unpack the rental car several times while you figure out how to get all the dogs and luggage to fit.  Do all this while in a wine induced fog left over from drinking too many little bottles of wine on the plane.
  • Rasthof gives a new meaning to pay toilets.  Don't forget to tip the man outside of the restroom or he might cuss you in German.
  • Watch out for those 'power toilets' .  Never flush while sitting... and for goodness sake don't drop anything into them.  You'll never recover.
  • German autobahns aren't marked with north, south, east and west directions.   Go toward some big town and then pay attention to the exit signs.  *This is some kind of geography test.
  • They don't turn right on a red light in Germany.  oops
  • Ausfahrt is not a bodily function.  But you're allowed to giggle everytime you see the sign.
  • Beware of Adelzhausen on May Day.  The guys drink and have a party after putting up the May pole and look at you as if you were the girl who just jumped out of a cake when you inquire about a room for the night.  Prepare for a quick exit and run like the wind.
  • Make sure you know how to turn on the lights in your rental car.  If you accidentally turn on your Abendnebelicht, the German drivers will pass you in the fast lane, gesturing wildly.
  • Don't expect to find a Motel 6 conveniently located off the highway.
  • Beware of drunken Scottish men offering their living room floor to you for the night. 
    Exit laughing.
  • Stay out of the Mittlering when entering Munich.  It will take you winding through the maze of downtown on narrow busy streets with many stop lights and no way to intelligently turn off.
  • The hotels with the fountain in the courtyard are not cheap.
  • Expect an impossible time with pay telephones.
  • The big coins with a 5 on them are not a nickel.  It's a 5 mark piece.  
    Don't argue, you're supposed to get change.
  • Above all, have a great time!
Copyright 1996-2008